Life Craves

Beyond the G-Spot

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The great thing about sex is that no matter how good it is, it can always be better — and getting there is more than half the fun. You and your mate probably already know a lot about pushing each other's buttons. But by pushing them slightly differently — and maybe finding some buttons you didn't know you had — you can enter a whole new realm of mutual satisfaction.<br />
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We're going to speak very plainly here. Most women — about two thirds of us — don't have orgasms via intercourse alone. We have them the good old-fashioned way: through manual stimulation or oral sex. Straightforward, no-hands intercourse is pretty much guaranteed to hit a man's hot spots, but it usually misses a woman's. Which means, for most couples, that intercourse is the main event for him but not for her. Though it gives women a wonderful feeling of closeness and intimacy, it's not the thing that makes the earth move.<br />
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Ah, but it can be.<br />
By tinkering just a bit with your favorite sex positions, you can turn intercourse into a never-fail orgasm generator for both of you — without either of you using your hands. These revised positions work because they stimulate all your hot spots — and his, too. So not only will you be likelier to achieve orgasm, but his climaxes will be more intense.<br />
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We asked 27 couples to test these never-fail orgasm positions, and their response was, to put it mildly, enthusiastic. Before trying the new techniques, only four women said they almost always had orgasms via intercourse alone. But after trying the techniques, 21 women said unequivocally, "Yes, I can have an orgasm via intercourse alone."</div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The First Step: Learn Your Hot Spots (and His)</b><br />
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Some of these spots will be really familiar to you; others will be uncharted territory. Knowing them all is key to making the positions work. As one 34-year-old husband we interviewed said, "At 20, you don't need to know about hot spots, because you are one big, undifferentiated hot spot. After 30, you're ready for more sophisticated and nuanced ways of touching each other. You can move an inch in a different direction and discover a whole new sensation."<br />
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Your hot spots:</b> The C-spot, or clitoris, is the one you undoubtedly know well already: that little fleshy knob above the vaginal opening, where the inner labia join. The G-spot (named for its discoverer, Ernst Grafenberg) is a small mass of tissue located inside the vagina, about one third of the way up the front wall. To help him find it: Have him insert his lubricated index and middle fingers into your vagina (his palm should face him). Then have him push gently on the lower third of the vagina's front wall until he finds a sensitive place, a patch rougher than the surrounding skin. Bingo.<br />
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The AFE zone, or Anterior Fornix Erotic zone, was recently discovered by a sexologist in Kuala Lumpur. It's simply a larger mass of tissue across from the G-spot, on the opposite wall of the vagina. (Think of a sofa across from an overstuffed chair.) The U-spot — also recently designated as a hot spot by clinical researchers — is a tiny area of tissue above the urethra and right below the clitoris.<br />
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">His hot spots:</b> The H-spot is the obvious one: the head of the penis. The F-spot is the frenulum, that loose section of skin on the underside of the penis where the head meets the shaft — highly sensitive to touch in most men. The R-area is the raphe, the visible seam running up the center of the scrotum, a generally neglected part of male anatomy. The P-zone is the perineum, the area between the anus and the base of the scrotum — another area neglected by Western lovers.<br />
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Now that you know all the hot spots, it's time to put them to work. Here, the positions you know and love — made even better.<br />
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The classic missionary position — with the woman on her back, knees raised or not — is both the most common sex position and the one least likely to hit your hot spots without some minor changes. The hot-spot adjustments: Put a plump pillow or two under your lower back to tilt the pelvis so your clitoris rubs against his body during penetration. If you're limber, forget the pillow and wrap your legs around his waist or neck. Or put your feet on his shoulders. Or pull up your knees and place your feet flat against his chest.<br />
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The couples report:</b> Nine women said this position worked best for achieving a no-hands orgasm, making it the top vote-getter among the women. And every woman but one said the adaptation improved her overall enjoyment and significantly increased the possibility of reaching orgasm. The lone dissenter says, "The hot-spot connection works when I wrap my legs around his neck or put my feet up on his shoulders — but I'm uncomfortable with these positions because I don't like the way they make my tummy wrinkle. So it's a no-go, because I don't feel sexy unless I look sexy." Meagan, 30, and Rob, 38, are typical of the couples who found unexpected bliss in this position. "Before trying the adaptations," says Meagan, "I only reached orgasm in the missionary position by putting my hand between us to touch my clitoris. Now, by placing two standard bed pillows under the small of my back and using my feet to exaggerate the arch of my body and leverage my weight to push against him as he thrusts, I can create an angle of penetration that both gives me clitoral stimulation and makes him feel larger inside me. We had to keep making slight adjustments to get it right, but when we did, the intensity of feeling was amazing. It was mind-blowing." Rob says, "Giving her an orgasm without her 'help' is powerful. I don't think any man is so evolved that he can't appreciate the difference."</div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The New Woman-on-Top</b></div>
<span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white;">This is typically the best position for a woman to reach orgasm because she can control the angle and speed of penetration. But the odds of her getting there can definitely be improved. </span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The hot-spot adjustments:</b><span style="background-color: white;"> Either lean back, resting your hands on the bed behind you, or lean forward with your hands above his head. These more extreme angles heighten clitoral stimulation and also exaggerate the pull on his F-spot and R-area.</span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The couples report:</b><span style="background-color: white;"> Eight women said this position afforded them the best opportunity for reaching orgasm. And even more men — 15 — said it was their favorite. </span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white;">Kim, 31, and Charles, 33, married eight years, report that hot-spot lovemaking has revived their flagging libidos. "I had an explosive orgasm in this superior position by leaning way forward, in a jockey position, which also prolonged his arousal," says Kim. "I wanted to try it again immediately." Charles says, "We were in a rut, having sex less and less often because it took so much to get her in the mood and then bring her to orgasm. Connecting the hot spots has made it new for us again." </span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The Scintillating Side-by-Side</b><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white;">The spoon position is cozy, recommended by marital therapists for the pregnant, the injured and the tired, but it can be much more than the erotic form of </span><a href="http://www.redbookmag.com/recipefinder/chicken-noodle-soup-recipes" style="color: #1980e0; margin: 0px; outline-style: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">chicken soup</a><span style="background-color: white;">. The hot-spot adjustments: Modify to the X-position, in which he lies on his side facing you, propped up on one elbow. You start out on your back. Place your inner leg (the one closer to him) on top of his legs, and turn so your outer leg fits between his legs (so your butt faces him). Battery-powered enhancement: Use a butterfly vibrator that fits over the clitoris. </span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The couples report:</b><span style="background-color: white;"> Only three women and two men ranked this position as the best. But nearly everyone said it was simple. "When I read the directions, I thought it sounded complicated, but it really isn't once you figure out how the legs stack up," says one 32-year-old woman. Her 31-year-old husband adds, "We'd never used a vibrator during intercourse until we tried it this way. Somehow it's less threatening to add the technology in this position, maybe because eye contact isn't direct." </span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white;">Mark and Barbara, both in their late 30s, were one of the few couples who chose this position as their new favorite. The parents of an infant and a toddler, they claim it meets their needs now. "I haven't been as rigorous about doing Kegels as I should," says Barbara, "and this position makes my vagina feel tighter. I'm also less self-conscious about my body than when I'm on top. Feeling relaxed makes it easier for me to let go enough to come." Mark adds, "Often we're just so tired that starting out slowly — which you can do in this position — is the only way to get there."</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRtW0gxNzD3O__4vPHHt-ZZp4klOXcnORmfxUDxL_B18d9xlcz_x6V7qtzKUaNww4AUUmBdxnIkzJF8y7FakOCnPRAnZYa9n8qZh690H3V9-HuCMu537YLfm2LjzW8ejC15hYiiWjp0ts/s1600/couples-therapists-mebl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRtW0gxNzD3O__4vPHHt-ZZp4klOXcnORmfxUDxL_B18d9xlcz_x6V7qtzKUaNww4AUUmBdxnIkzJF8y7FakOCnPRAnZYa9n8qZh690H3V9-HuCMu537YLfm2LjzW8ejC15hYiiWjp0ts/s1600/couples-therapists-mebl.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The Sexier Sit</b><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white;">You might not be familiar with the basic sitting position (called the Yab-Yum in Tantric sex), but it's good for prolonging the man's arousal. The Yab-Yum for the uninitiated: Sit in the center of the bed facing each other. Wrap your legs around each other so you're sitting on his legs. Place your right hands at the back of each other's neck, your left hands on each other's tailbone. Place his penis inside you so it exerts as much indirect pressure as possible on your clitoris. Rock slowly together while rubbing each other's back and maintaining deep eye contact. The hot-spot adjustment: Make this emotionally intimate position hotter by sitting on one or more pillows so your G-spot and clitoris can receive more stimulation. </span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The couples report:</b><span style="background-color: white;"> Four women described this as their new best position. (Interestingly, two of them take yoga classes.) But nearly everyone considered it a satisfying intercourse variation. "It's great for intense intimacy," says one 28-year-old woman. "Orgasm seems to come as much from the emotional connection as from the physical." Her 29-year-old husband adds, "There are two kinds of makeup sex, hot and tender. This position is good for tender." </span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white;">Carole, 34, and Rich, 31, say this position opened an erotic door in their relationship. "We had twins six months after we were married," says Carole. "Sex was quick; with orgasms, for me, problematic. This forces us to slow down and really does give me an orgasm every time." </span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The Ultimate Hot-Spot Position</b><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white;">Designed by Indian sexologist Prokash Kothari, M.D., this position unites your hot spots and his in what Kothari calls divine harmony. And you don't have to be athletic to get there: Make two stacks of firm pillows to form comfortable piles and place them a few feet apart. (</span><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Firm</i><span style="background-color: white;"> is the operative word here — we're talking sofa cushions, not down-filled bed pillows.) Face each other with your backs against the pillows. Arrange your bodies so your legs are comfortable and your genitals connect. An added advantage of this position if the hot-spot stimulation isn't enough by itself: four free hands. </span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The couples report:</b><span style="background-color: white;"> Many of them had difficulty with this position because they tried to make it more complicated than it really is. "We finally realized that you can hang your arms back on the pillows as you would on the side of a swimming pool," says one 34-year-old man. "That lets you raise and lower your hips to control and change the angles of penetration." </span><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white;">Beth, 30, and Gary, 35, are enthusiastic about the freedom the Ultimate position affords. "You don't have to worry about where the legs go," says Beth. "All your energy is focused on the genital connection. Once we got the hang of it, we loved it." And that's really the key: Let yourself play, and your connection (physical and emotional) has to get better. And better.</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span></span></span></div>
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Beyond the G-Spot

The great thing about sex is that no matter how good it is, it can always be better — and getting there is more than half the fun. You a...

The Advice Couples Therapists Give Their Friends

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These couples therapists save relationships — not just for clients, but for their pals who need help too. Now they're giving you their free, no-filter tips for a good marriage. #wewarnedyou</h3>
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By <span class="author_name" style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); color: #1980e0; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Arden Sam</span></div>
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<span class="author_name" style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); color: #1980e0; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">1. Your weight may be a problem, but not the way you think.</strong></span></div>
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<span class="author_name" style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); color: #1980e0; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">"A girlfriend admitted to me that she's been really uncomfortable with her body recently, and it's affecting her sex life. She said, 'I can't get over how big my stomach feels, and when I'm in certain positions, all I can think about is how many rolls I have.' I asked her if there was anything she <em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">does</em> like about her body. At first she said no, but when I pushed her, she said she liked her hands, her eyes, and her breasts. So I told her to try to focus on those positive things while having sex rather than on the negative, and ultimately to try to get out of her head and into her body. Because, trust me, he is not focusing on your stomach—he's just happy to be getting laid!" <em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">—Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida</em></span></div>
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<strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">2. Treat your body as well as you'd treat his.</strong></div>
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"I have a friend who had been outright lying to her husband about smoking for half a year. She told him she'd quit, but instead she started carrying around a small bottle of mouthwash to rinse with and a rubber glove to put on when she smoked so the smell wouldn't get on her hands. Of course he did finally catch her, and he was furious. She promised again that she'd quit—but still didn't. She truly didn't see that continuing to smoke meant she was choosing her love for cigarettes over her husband, and I told her that she was so addicted she needed to bring in every professional she could to get over it. She's working with a specialist now, as well as an acupuncturist for stress relief, and she's been smoke-free for a month. She says she's thinking of how much she loves her husband every time she wants to smoke, and it has been successful for now. When you ignore your own health, you're also ignoring the health of your marriage." <em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">—Bill Farr, a relationship coach and author of </em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Power-Personality-Types-Love-Relationships/dp/0989337707?tag=rbk_autolinks-20" style="color: #1980e0; margin: 0px; outline-style: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">The Power of Personality Types in Love and Relationships</a></div>
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<strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">3. You're being sexist—and it's keeping you from being happy.</strong></div>
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"A friend of mine was married to a guy who was very supportive, a great father—but completely incapable of holding down a steady job. She was at the end of her rope, and they were fighting all the time. My friend hadn't worked in years, since she had kids, but she was a very competent and organized person, so I recommended that she pursue a career and let him be the househusband. That was clearly what he was good at! It was a great solution. She found a job she loved, made the money, and he handled the kids and home. Once she got over her gender hang-ups, it clicked." <em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">—Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, VA</em></div>
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<strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">4. Let. It. Go.</strong></div>
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"A friend and his wife had gone through a terrible time—he had been unfaithful, but they'd worked through it, stayed together, and had another baby. But every time I saw them, she'd throw out sarcastic comments about his past. She would belittle him and make disparaging remarks at every opportunity. One night, after a particularly bad episode, I told her that she was wrecking her marriage. I said, 'Yes, he cheated, and of course you were brokenhearted. But you decided to give it another go, and to constantly remind him of how much pain he caused, especially in front of others, is a divorce waiting to happen. This time <em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">you're</em> the one doing the damage to the marriage. Whatever is in the past, leave it there—all that matters is the present and the future you're trying to build.' People say, once a cheater, always a cheater, but I disagree: I think cheating is a choice. She decided to give him a chance, and he chose to be a decent husband." <em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">—Rochelle Peachey, Psy.D., a couples therapist and founder of her own online dating site,</em></div>
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<strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">5. That "perfect" couple is far from it— don't be jealous!</strong></div>
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"Envy between couples comes up a lot. It's all about: Who has the most expensive house? Who goes on the coolest vacations? Whose kids are smartest and most athletic? I recently reminded a friend with serious marriage envy that things are never what they appear—everyone has some issue they deal with. I told her I see couples in my practice all the time who outwardly have porcelain-smooth lives but in fact are dealing with really tough issues, like infidelity or sexual dysfunction, that folks around them don't have a clue about." <em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">—Toni Coleman</em></div>
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<strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">6. Stop renting movies on date night.</strong></div>
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"A pal complained to me that her marriage was becoming boring, and she was worried she and her husband were 'turning into their parents.' I thought she should surprise him with something. She seemed too resentful to take initiative, because he wasn't doing anything for her, so I suggested she do it just to have more fun. On their first date night, she took him out for drinks after dinner at a place far too loud and exciting for their parents. They both had a blast, and date night is going strong again." <em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">—Bill Farr</em></div>
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<strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">7. Being "in the mood" is overrated.</strong></div>
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"Just yesterday, a good friend called me and was talking about having no interest in sex since the birth of her last child. She said she was too busy, stressed, and tired. What I said to her was to just do it! Our sexual desire waxes and wanes at different times in our lives, and sometimes we have to make a conscious effort to be intimate with our partner. If you sit around and wait to be suddenly in the mood, it could take forever. In the meantime, you and your husband are pleasure-starved and not having any fun. I asked her to take a chance and just say yes the next time he tried to initiate sex, even if she didn't feel like it. I knew once things got started she would enjoy herself—and she did." <em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">—Rachel Needle</em></div>
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<strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">8. A simple "good morning" can rescue a marriage.</strong></div>
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"A friend of mine and her husband had not really spoken in several years—yes, I said <em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">years!</em> Literally hadn't said much more than 'yes' or 'no' to each other in a very long time. They lived in the same house, but their relationship had all but ceased to exist, so he brought up divorce. That's not what either of them wanted deep down, but they had fallen into a hole and felt hopeless about ever finding a way out. I offered my friend some very simple advice: that she immediately start to take small steps toward reconciliation, like offering a smile and a 'Good morning' when they woke up every day, bringing him a cup of coffee, giving him a gentle touch just because—basically finding little ways to be positive in her interactions with him. It didn't happen overnight, but in time he started to open himself up to her and treat her better too. Now, several years later, they're in a brand-new relationship—with each other!" <em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">—Toni Coleman</em></div>
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The Advice Couples Therapists Give Their Friends

These couples therapists save relationships — not just for clients, but for their pals who need help too. Now they're giving you t...

8 Ways to Make Sex a Little Better Tonight

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<i>We've all been there: Despite your best intentions, your libido gets doused by anything from juice box spills, to unrealistic work deadlines. While there's no magic cure all, this sound and simple advice on reclaiming your bedroom magic might just be the jumpstart you need—no popping out of a cake or bunny ears required.</i></h2>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Make a decision in the a.m. that you want to get busy later, and steal a few moments throughout the day to psych yourself up. "If he has a cologne you love, spritz it on your shirt before you run errands," says Esther Boykin, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Haymarket, VA. And send flirty text messages here and there to keep you both anticipating the evening's events. "Those 30 seconds can help shift your mood and body chemistry so you're primed and ready for a night of passion," says Boykin.</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span><br />
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Find a comfy spot</span></h3>
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<span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">"My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have two children. We bought a sofa with a center recliner so that it's easy for us to lie back and cuddle. It naturally brings us closer together, which leads to </span><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">more</i><span style="background-color: white;"> closeness later on." — Cordelia Blake, Atlanta</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 24px;">Try a costume change</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">And we're not talking about those cliché—and uncomfortable—garters and heels. "You don't need to put on a stripper's outfit before bedtime for your spouse to notice you," says Francine Lederer, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. "Even just wearing a different nightgown or pair of pajamas to bed can be a turn-on if it's a switch from the regular routine."</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span></div>
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If you can, take a nap</span></span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white;">That way, you'll be primed for more than just sleep when you turn in at night. "The biggest obstacle to intimacy is exhaustion," says Lauren Streicher, M.D., associate clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University. Even just 20 minutes can make a huge difference.</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span></div>
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Turn off the gadgets</span></span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white;">YouTubing the latest Internet meme can wait, as can sharing that funny Facebook post you conjured up while making dinner. Stop being a slave to your electronic gizmos at night, and for a few hours—whether that be at dinner or before bed—turn all your attention to your partner. "The key to real intimacy is focusing on each other," says dating expert Suzanne Casamento, founder of </span><a href="http://fantasydating.com/" style="color: #1980e0; margin: 0px; outline-style: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">FantasyDating.com</a><span style="background-color: white;">. "The more you touch each other, talk, and laugh, the more you will connect. And before you know it, your whole evening will be foreplay.<br />"</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">The simple act of making contact can do wonders, according to New York City based love coach Anthony David Adams. It sounds a little cheesy and, yes, your guy may need a little prodding to get on board, but this is what Adams swears by. Sit in a quiet place, look into your partner's eyes, and try to synchronize your breathing. You may be surprised how quickly it helps you connect<br />.</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span></div>
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Who needs dinner?</span></h3>
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<span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">"We can't do this every weekend, since we have three boys ages 17, 14, and 10, but sometimes my husband and I will sit on the front porch and have appetizers and drinks. The idea is that we don't talk about anything too serious, but we have fun and laugh together. When you start letting go of the expected wife-and-mom routine, sparks fly." — Michelle Monroe Morton, Raleigh, NC</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">If your current bedroom repertoire is getting stale, perhaps it's time to reopen the conversation. "Create a list of things you haven't tried together and talk about it as you work your way through it," says Kristina Wright, author of </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bedded-Bliss-Couples-Guide-After/dp/1573449644?tag=rbk_autolinks-20" style="color: #1980e0; margin: 0px; outline-style: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Bedded Bliss: A Couple's Guide to Lust Ever After</em></a><span style="background-color: white;">. We admit there's some potential for awkwardness, so have a few glasses of wine beforehand to loosen up, and set limits. Agree to let one another go wild with suggestions, then narrow down the list to what you'd actually be interested in doing at a later date. Sometimes just talking about racy stuff can get you revved up.</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span></div>
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8 Ways to Make Sex a Little Better Tonight

We've all been there: Despite your best intentions, your libido gets doused by anything from juice box spills, to unrealistic work d...

Are Regrets and "What Ifs" Ruining Your Relationship?

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<i>When life gets stressful, it can make you think twice about how things could have been different—but too much questioning can turn toxic. Here's how to break the pattern.</i></h2>
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By <span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Brie Schwartz</span></h3>
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Stop putting past relationships on a pedestal</h2>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">We've all been there. Those days, when your husband won't pick up his phone all day, two of your friends booked anniversary trips, and you get offered a job you can't take because it doesn't fit your family's schedule, it's easy to float back to a time when things were easier with an ex who quoted you poetry and seemed to know exactly when your shoulders needed a rub. All of a sudden, you could find yourself wondering what life would be like if you’d stayed with the co-ed who got away. “It’s easy to romanticize someone that you broke up with because your memory is not of the reality,” says clinical psychologist </span>Dr. Melanie Greenberg<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">. ”You don’t have the experience of doing errands and all of that mundane stuff that’s a part of a lasting relationship.” The key is to remember that you found a husband who loves you and has been there through it all. It’s not fair to compare your college boyfriend to your partner. The other guy is just a fantasy. Your partner is a reality who never gave up on you.</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span><br />
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Accentuate the positive</span></h3>
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<span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6aiSL8nf7HxHl5NI3SnQZF0uTx6TqDR2kNu3EekBZW1RfrWWkiJiZ8j3EOBn8SVwnjN0KwpdRnYJkyTF31YK0c243T07ERJWXDTV1v2xOLTH4iXQO8piM9jxJluCO6cX7vtz-9TqYacg/s1600/rbk-Are-Regrets-and-What-Ifs-Ruining-Your-Relationship-man-watching-TV-woman-angry-mebl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Are-Regrets-and-What-Ifs-Ruining-Your-Relationship-man-watching-TV-woman-angry-mebl" border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6aiSL8nf7HxHl5NI3SnQZF0uTx6TqDR2kNu3EekBZW1RfrWWkiJiZ8j3EOBn8SVwnjN0KwpdRnYJkyTF31YK0c243T07ERJWXDTV1v2xOLTH4iXQO8piM9jxJluCO6cX7vtz-9TqYacg/s1600/rbk-Are-Regrets-and-What-Ifs-Ruining-Your-Relationship-man-watching-TV-woman-angry-mebl.jpg" title="Are-Regrets-and-What-Ifs-Ruining-Your-Relationship-man-watching-TV-woman-angry-mebl" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Fixating on "what ifs" can spiral you into a dark, unproductive place. “If you spend your whole day questioning why you married your husband, you’re going to look for his bad qualities and fail to notice the good in him,” says Greenberg. For instance, when he comes home after a stressful day of work, his first stop might be to check the score on Monday night football, not the kitchen to do the dishes he promised he’d take care of. If you’re fixated on his annoying flaws, you may take this as a sign that he’s willfully ignoring your wishes. More often than not, it results in an exaggerations-filled fight about how he never listens to you, followed by more false thinking that if you’d married any of your friend’s dutiful, loving husbands, you’d never have to remind them to clean. When you aren’t dwelling on regret, you can more clearly see that your husband just needed to decompress for a minute before he started his chores. His desire to take a moment for himself isn’t a reflection of how much he cares about you<br />.</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span><br />
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Sign off social media</span></span></h3>
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<span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
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<span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are great tools for keeping in touch with your old kindergarten buddies, but it’s not so awesome when you find yourself spending hours scrolling through your ex’s photos, noting how happy he looks with his wife and twins. But this is all perception—and you don’t have the full set of facts. Just because your former flame appears to be a great dad who’s laughing hysterically on a beach does not mean that he’s better off than you are. Don’t be fooled by the perfectly-posed pictures or the happy hashtags. Instead, actively focus on the good you have in your life by taking stock of all of the things that make you smile off-camera—whether it’s your husband’s homemade pizza, unexpected texts, or the fact that he willingly watches </span><em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The Bachelorette </em><span style="background-color: white;">even when baseball’s on. These little things can’t be Instagramed. (That is, without the pizza getting cold.)</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span><br />
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Consider what you <i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">can</i> change</span></span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Often if you’re steeped in “what ifs,” it’s because something else is lacking in your relationship, like you’re feeling rejected or underappreciated. Say the only way you ever go on dates with your partner is if you make them happen, which makes you feel like he doesn’t find you as attractive as he did when you first started dating. It might sound cliché, but it’s true: He’s not a mind reader. He might assume that you like planning dates, or be worried he’ll disappoint you if he picks the wrong activity. If you’re feeling neglected and insecure, ask your husband for what you'd like so that you can figure out how to make each other feel better.</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Keeping your thoughts secret from your husband can feel like a form of cheating, but the burden of harboring these emotions could seriously weigh you down. Regret can also result in chronic stress, which is bound to negatively impact your relationship. “Regrets and 'what-ifs' ruin relationships because you never get to know how your here and now could have unfolded should you have put the past aside," says Dr. Marc Muchnick, author of </span><a href="http://no-more-regrets.com/" style="color: #1980e0; margin: 0px; outline-style: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">No More Regrets</em></a><span style="background-color: white;">. Don't be afraid to take risks or be vulnerable. Dare to be completely honest with each other (in a non-critical way). If you do this, you could find that everything you’ve been looking for is just underneath the surface.</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">When your brain is stuck in the gear of regret, it's like a car caught in reverse. You literally can't go forward until you shift. Sometimes you need to rotate backward for a bit to get yourself out of the mud, but once you've dislodged your tires from all of that dirt, it's time to return to first gear. “Regret does nothing but hold you back and keep you from the love you deserve," says </span><a href="http://www.thelovearchitects.com/about-us/meet-kailen-rosenberg/" style="color: #1980e0; margin: 0px; outline-style: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Kailen Rosenberg</a><span style="background-color: white;">, author of</span><em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Real Love, Right Now</em><span style="background-color: white;">. "Without it, you are able to see all of the gifts and the beauty around you, which brings a newfound sense of awareness into the relationship you already have.” Only then can you start looking ahead to where all of the great possibilities in your lifelong road trip lie<br />.</span><span style="-webkit-transform: translate3d(0px, 0px, 0px); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /></span></span></div>
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Are Regrets and "What Ifs" Ruining Your Relationship?

When life gets stressful, it can make you think twice about how things could have been different—but too much questioning can turn toxic...

Is Your Career Ruining Your Credibility?

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You make good money, have your own assistant, even snagged the office with the best view. So why are you so embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living?</h2>
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By Sara Aguera</h3>
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Former financial analyst Stacy Bromberg, 35, used to hold her own with the big-shot lawyers and bankers in her family. Then she accepted a lucrative offer to be a senior VP of strategy for a major cosmetics company. "Instantly, I became the punch line at every family get-together," she recalls. "When I chimed in to a political discussion, my uncle asked how I found time to read the headlines when I was busy testing out lipsticks. Now whenever I talk to him, I end up overcompensating, spending the whole conversation dropping fancy words, mentioning my assistant and whatnot, just so he and everyone else in the family knows they're dealing with a somebody. But I often sit up at night wondering if I'll ever be taken seriously again."</div>
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We all know women are judged by how they dress, talk, and act on the job. (One Dutch study found that even adopting your husband's last name after getting married can cost you credibility points at work.) It's only reasonable, then, that we'd also be scrutinized for the actual careers we choose. Though women represent nearly half the workforce and occupy positions of power unthinkable even a decade ago, many of us have put off marriage and families to get there. Some women complain that that's resulted in a tacit, insidious pressure to secure the kinds of jobs that justify all those trade-offs. "Traditionally, a man's job has been the most important of his social roles, whereas for a woman, being a wife and mother was the most important role," says Christina Maslach, a psychology professor at the University of California, Berkeley. "But now women have double the social scrutiny because there's still lingering pressure to get married and be a good parent, but on top of that they're also judged on their jobs. So women face it on all fronts."</div>
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Dinner parties used to be where Sabrina Fang, 37, would shine. "When I told people I did public relations for the Humane Society, they just gushed Ᾱ everyone likes saving puppies," she says. But since Fang started working for the American Petroleum Institute, a trade association for companies like ExxonMobil and Alcoa, she garners a wholly different response. "Most people I talk to Ᾱ like the parents of my daughter's playmates Ᾱ are polite enough not to interrogate me or say something derogatory," she says. "But I know some of them are thinking, How can you work for big oil?"</div>
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For those quick to invoke Mom's patented advice about not worrying what others think Ᾱ well, that's easier said than done. "So what do you do?" has become the de rigueur opening line for introductions, inescapable shorthand for how much you earn, where you live, and whom you hang out with. (Your job determines just about every connection you make online, too, thanks to Facebook friend recommendations, LinkedIn, and apps like Sonar.) "Even during a recession, casual conversations often turn to work Ᾱ and where you work and what you do there is important in how people perceive you," says Maslach.</div>
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That's why Penny Smith loathes accompanying her energy-exec husband to the swanky cocktail parties they are routinely invited to in Washington, D.C., where they live. "Most people, especially powerful women, totally dismiss me once they hear what I do," says the 30-year-old English-as-a-second-language teacher. "They know I don't make a lot of money and can't really help them network. I think some of them actually pity me, like I'm a failure for not being some important D.C. power player. The thing is, I like my job. I just don't like the response it gets." In the car on the way home, Smith will usually complain to her husband about how miserable these outings make her feel Ᾱ until she reminds herself why she got into the profession in the first place: for the satisfaction that comes from teaching important skills, like reading and writing, and helping kids who may be having a hard time at school adapt to the new language. And the perks help, of course. "I spend every summer sitting by the pool, sipping daiquiris, while everyone else is trapped at the office or on their BlackBerrys until midnight," Smith adds. "It must be exhausting spending your life trying to impress people and schmooze with everyone in the room in hopes of it leading to a promotion or a new job."</div>
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But there's a cruel irony in the situation: While women like Smith take heat for having low-wattage jobs, women on the other end of the spectrum are judged just as harshly. "If a woman has an archetypal masculine job that shows she's powerful or aggressive Ᾱ like a criminal defense attorney, a politician, or a cigarette lobbyist Ᾱ she will absolutely be judged because her job is inconsistent with feminine stereotypes of what a woman should do," explains Arthur Brief, professor of organizational psychology at the University of Utah and an expert on workplace bias. "People view her much more negatively than a man doing the same job. For a woman, people would be more likely to assume it means, She must be a real bitch." If you hold a high-influence post, you're a bitch; if you don't, you're meek and should step out of the way of the big kids.</div>
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For Smith, the ESL teacher, finally letting go of perceived slights has led to better, more meaningful social interactions. "When my husband and I are first introduced to people, they gravitate to him because he has a powerful job and lots of connections. I'm 'just' a public school teacher. It sucks to be dissed at first, but then I realize that anyone talking to me after that is doing it because they actually like me, not because they're hoping I can do something for them down the line," says Smith. "At the end of the night, my husband will usually have four or five people's cards and plans for drinks or coffee, while I'm lucky if I have one. But when that woman calls me, it's not to ask me to set up a meeting for her with my boss, or if she can drop my name to her new client. Call me crazy, but I think I end up with the better deal."</div>
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Is Your Career Ruining Your Credibility?

You make good money, have your own assistant, even snagged the office with the best view. So why are you so embarrassed to tell people w...

Beyond the G-Spot

The Advice Couples Therapists Give Their Friends

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Are Regrets and "What Ifs" Ruining Your Relationship?

Is Your Career Ruining Your Credibility?

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